[[*---Don't Catch Me As I Fall---*]]

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Alot of people ask me what are my plans for Christmas this year. I had none. No gatherings for me. I have yet to receive any Christmas presents this year except a card from an unexpected secondary school friend.

In the recent years, nothing good has happen to me nearing Christmas. I used to love this season but now I begin to dread Christmas. Grandma pass away on Monday night. I felt really sad. The kind of sadness could not be express through tears. I wanted to cry but nothing came out. Even at the cremation ceremony just now, I could not cry. I somehow learned not to show my emotions easily.

Life still have to go on, no matter what kind of situations we faced.

I had came to understand that death is just part and parcel of life. One day, we all have to leave this earth to another world.

Sometimes, we all take people around us for granted. Its time to show them how much you care before you regret. Do not treasure only when you have lost. Treasure what you have now.

This year's Christmas is going to be a lonely one for me. I feel kind of pathetic without any gatherings for me. All my friends are either busy having gatherings with their other groups of friends or with their bf/gf. Guess that I am just not included in their list for gatherings.

Months ago, I initiated to Wen they all to have one at my house on Christmas day but no one responded. Wen smsed and asked if the gathering is still on. I am not sure if this is an example of taking for granted. Taking for granted that I will plan everything and inform the others. I do not mind planning if I get good response. Sometimes, planning something alone can be rather tedious.

I begin to feel that I am pretty nothing much to my friends or people around me. Do not ask me why I feel this way. No sense of belonging here and there. Just take this Christmas for example. Friends whom I wished to gather with doesn't seem to want to gather with me. I hope I am just feeling paranoid.

To all my friends, have a Merry Christmas!!

Lynnie black out at 2:10 PM