[[*---Don't Catch Me As I Fall---*]]

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Many people in different parts of singapore felt tremors yesterday.
I felt it too.
Can natural disasters take a break?
3 months ago, its tsnami.
Now, its earthquake in Sumatra.

Dear natural disasters,
Please take a break now.
Have some mercy.
Spare lives and lands.

Lynnie black out at 2:28 PM

Monday, March 28, 2005

I am pretty amazed that my friend's boyfriend actually thinks that I may lead my friend to the wrong track.

I din know I actually look like those kind of girls that will make my friends rebel againest their boyfriends.

I guess it must be due to stuffs I said and things I do now that makes him think so.

I won't force my friends to do anything they don't want to.

There's nothing wrong in changing as long as I don't hurt anyone in the process.

Anyway, its not up to them to judge what kind of person I am.

I just live the way as I please.

Either you love me or hate me.

Lynnie black out at 4:51 AM

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Excactly one year ago, 26 March is a special day.

One year later, its just another day.

How much do you remember?

Lynnie black out at 12:34 AM

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Have you all heard of the hippo story?

Once there's a hippopotamus who is unhappy with what it looks like.
He tired painting stripes on his body to be like a zebra, but then he still look like a hippo.
He tried painting spots on to look like a leopard, again he still look like a hippo.

Until one day, he look himself in the mirror and said to himself "I'm a hippo!"
So, he accepted that he's a hippo and is happy the way he is.
No matter how he changed, he eventually will still be a hippo.

No matter how much I change, I'll still be Lynnie.
=)

Lynnie black out at 3:22 PM

After 4 months long of FYP-ing, we finally handed up our FYP yesterday.
Its a great relieve to all of us.
Will miss the times we crap and snack in T2136..
Staying back till as late as 9pm to complete our FYP..
The prawn mee and pig organ soup in FC 6..
All those gossiping of "Kong Ba Baos" and that group of irritating guys are throughly memorable.

Got back NS test grades...
Realise the effort I put in din really match my grades.
I should have scored lower grades.
I guess the lecturer wasn't strict in her marking.
Anway, shall put in more effort for the last test next week.

Some people are luckier, they do not need to put in much effort and yet they score good grades.
I need to put in 2 times extra effort in order to score an average grade.
Maybe I'm just not the study kinda people, I prefer practical stuffs.
Exams always pull my grades down.=(
Anyway, God/Buddha have their reasons for making me this way.
I have other things that I excel in. =)

I already know what I want to do in furture.
I'm just waiting for right time.
Meanwhile, I shall do stuff that bring me nearer towards that goal.

Nana and me feel that we need changes in our life.
We are going to do things we don't usually do and and do more of things we always wanted to do.
Both of us are going to change.
I am not sure if the changes are going to last.
Some told me eventually I will be back what I used to be.
Regardlessly of what they say, I'm still going to lead the life I always wanted to have.
Holding back is as good as losing out what I could have gain.

My life is going to be colorful.

Lynnie black out at 7:43 AM

Friday, March 18, 2005

Blogging while having my dinner.
Hungry like some starving hamster.

I'm into Guang Liang's tong hua now~
All thanks to Waicheng... =D

Lalala~
FYP gonna end soon.
Still left some touching up and report to do.

After all these,
I wana go chinablack.
Go KTV, shopping, watch movies!!
Do stuffs I like.
Make up for what I had lost for that 4 months of FYP.

Caught Hitch yesterday wif ru, agnes and jiahui.
Wed's our early off day.
Funny show.
I kept picturing Will Smith as the fish in Shark's Tale.
Or shall I say, they animate that fish so much like him!!

I wana get out of singapore when my exams officially ends.
Just kinda sick of the stressful lifestyle here.

Need to self reflect and realise new thoughts and other stuff.
Argh.. dunno what am I crapping abt also..

Anyone wana leave singapore together with me?

Lynnie black out at 3:30 PM

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

I am tired.. yeah..
Had a rather short day today.

Went school for NS role play test, ended at around 12.
Had lunch at FC 5 and went back to my grandfather's funeral.
Saw Waicheng on my way to dover.

Today was the cremation day.
The whole process lasted from 2-5.
Cremation has gone high tech now.
Its automatic instead of having people to push the coffin in.
I actually find it rather cool.
Enough about funerals..not good to mention such stuff..

Went bugis with Sheena to get some stuff.
On my way home, saw Huarong on the bus.
Chatted with her on some stuff.
Hope she makes the right decision and don't regret in future.

Wen told me that she's proud of me!!
She said that I self motivate at times.
I guess I only said stuff to make myself feel better and stronger.
I have to admit I'm someone weak in emotions.
I only realise it recently..well.. coz of some matter.
I din want to be like that too.
I'll be stronger!!

I prefer a busy life to a slack one.
I hate that school life is just gonna end like that.
Chances of getting into the university are low, or not even any.

Life would be nice if I could open a cafe of my very own.
Selling cheesecakes made by my own chef in cafe.
I don't mind making latte everyday, serving cheesecakes to my customers.
I want to make all my customers feel that my cafe is like a 2nd home to them.
Make them feel unique by remembering what they like and custom make coffees or other dishes for them.
My job is to make them smile when they come to my cafe.

Sounds more like a dream?

Life's about dreams, else life would be meaningless.

I pray that my dream would come true one day.
Of coz, with the promise that I'll put in effort.
=)

Lynnie black out at 12:58 PM

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I know what is it...

Its just a stage I have to go through.

As I say, it gets better each time.

Thank you.
=)

Lynnie black out at 4:48 PM

I once said to myself..

The day we meet again, would be the day to determine if I still love you as deeply.

The answer is out today.

Thanks for calling out my name.

It feels warmth, yet cold.

Cold to the extend that it feels so unreal.

I'll be strong.. much stronger.

But tears don't listen to me, it flows like a running tap.

I am clear that its over.

It isn't a relapse.

What is it?

Lynnie black out at 3:16 PM

Monday, March 14, 2005

The kick for clubbing is back again.

Chinablack, anyone?

Lynnie black out at 8:00 AM

Does fairy tales exist?
Been debating about this topic.

If you believe it exists, it exists.
If not , it won't.

But facts had proven that, it won't.

So, to believe or not to?

Lynnie black out at 7:30 AM

Just when I thought things were going well for me,
Another bad news came.
My grandfather pass away on Friday night.
I din know how to react when I heard that.
Its like I begin to accept that death is just part of life.

People around you come and leave.
No one will be there for you forever.

Just recently, the person I love dearly made his departure out of my life.
It came like a tsunami attack.
Something unexpected.
Maybe signs are already warning me but I chose to ignore.
Only after it came, I felt the impact.
Ever since, I'm like clearing up the mess caused by the attack.
Its tiring.

Its even more tiring when thoughts of him don't leave.
It became part of you.
The feeling is so fcuk up!
Times when are bad, I still thought of him.
Just like the death of my grandfather.
It reminds me of the time when his grandfather passed away.
I felt so helpless coz I din know how to console him.
I'm bad at consoling people.
I wish thoughts of him would fade away as time passes.
I am tired of thinking of the person I love deeply who don't love me anymore.
Tired of feeling sad, tearing for the person that may already forgotten who I am.
If I could, I want to be someone that forgets easily.
Maybe I should go for some brain wash or something.

As I was packing my wardrobe , I came across all the club tees I had.
Memories of club lfe came flowing back.

I miss the fun I had during my year 1 and 2 of poly life, especially year 2.
Those were the times where friendships were true and all of us work hard together to get ICT club be on track.
Those staying back late in club for events planning and preparation.
Those bioing of pretty babes and hunks at SAC.
Gossiping of other club's pple.
Arr... How I miss them!!

But club life for ICT students can only last merely for 2 years.
Year 3 is the time for ITP and FYP.
If wasn't for that 1 year as a committee, I guess I would have miss out alot.
I miss all my interclub friends..
puwen, michelle CLS, marcus, vincent SB, kevin, oliver SMA etc...
Those I call CI peeps!!

But life has that go on, all of us had moved on.
Those can only be memories I hold dearly in my heart.
I wish for the best for all the people I know during my poly life~!
=)

Lynnie black out at 5:10 AM

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Life's getting so lifeless as each day passes.
Less than 2 weeks to fyp deadline but I'm already like totally drain out.
The thought of going to school everyday, coding inside 2136 really freaks me out now.
Juz like what Ru says "I dun wana wake up tml. The thought of coding makes me so sick!".

Went Cine with Agnes and Ru just now.
Wanted to catch a movie but none of the timing suits us.
Today is kind of our only early off day.
Lab closes at 5pm today.
Other days, it would be 8pm!!
So tml, its again sunshine when I reach school, sky turns dark when I left school.
Sickening... but life's gonna be more sick when I graduate.

Nowadays, I have been hearing couples breaking up.
Hmm.. season for breaking up??
I don't know why I feel sad for them.
Though I kind of dislike the sight of loving couples now,
I don't wish to hear any of them breaking up.
It takes lots of time and trust to build up a relationship.
But all it takes is for a sentence or a simple telephone call to end it or worst still ending sliently.
I don't know why it could just end like that.

Whatever it is, it takes 2 hands to clap.
If one hand stops, there's no point for the other to continue.
I learn something new.
In a relationship, I want it or nothing at all.
If love is to be spared to me, I rather don't want it.
If its so difficult for you to love me, stop loving me.
You had stopped.
Time for me to stop ?
No, I still love you but the love changes.
Its more of loving a friend now.
The love I used to give don't apply to you now.
If I start to love, its difficult for me to stop.
But everything has to come to an end.
I clearly understand that its all over between us.

An end to something, is a beginning to another.

I realise I slowly getting back to the Lynn I used to be.
I gain 3 kg within a month.. Haha..
I guess another 3kg within another month should not be a problem.
I pamper myself more now.
Eat whatever I want, sleep as much as I want.

Life's freaking short.
Enjoy it.
Treasure and Cherish every good things and people around you.
Before you know, you may already lose them.

Lynnie black out at 3:37 AM

Sunday, March 06, 2005

I know its all over now.

Lynnie black out at 4:20 PM

There will be a point of time one would start to question themselves the meaning of life.

"Why do I exist in this world?"
"What will the world be like if I don't exist?"
"Who would come to my funeral when I die?"
"Will anyone feel sad if I die?"

When questions like these start to occur in your mind, its like a turning point of your life.

I begin to question myself too.
I haven't found any answer to satisfy myself.
I feel that I need to really know the meaning of life.
Slowly, I'll know the answer..

I gonna be 20 soon and its like I had lived 1/4 of my life if I gonna live till 80.
That's only an if.. Maybe I would be gone soon or what.

Life is short.
Time waits for no one.
This stage of my life is gonna end soon.
In one month's time, I will a working adult and no more a poly student.
I should really think through what I want in the next stage of my life.
I don't want to regret and said things like "I should have done this or that".
I should constantly challenge myself and maybe I would discover a side of me that I never knew.

I know my flaws but yet I let it be shown.
I ought to learn to control myself and never let my weak side be shown again.

I came to realise that parents' love for their children are unconditional.
They sacrifise themselves for their children and don't expect anything back.
All they want is their child to have a good life.
My parents are simple people.
They tried to provide me and my sliblings with things that we want if they could afford.
They din stress us into studying, maybe that's y I'm so slack all this while..haha..
I kind of regretted for this.
Regretted that I din study harder last time to get into university so that I could provide them a better life in future.

But what is done could never be salvage.
Maybe thats what God/Buddha wants me to realise now so I don't do things in furture I would regret.
Lots of goals I wana achive, stuffs I wana do are all circling in my mind.

Guess its time I start to really live for a purpose, for my dreams and goals.
=)

Lynnie black out at 4:02 PM

Friday, March 04, 2005

A bird recovering from a broken wing is taking its flight once again. In the process of attempting to fly, it met with obstactles that brought it back to its injured state. Although its discouraging to fall again, the bird makes another attempt to fly agin. Each time it tries, it gets better. There will be a day that the bird with a broken wing will soar in the sky again.

My heart that is once shattered into pieces is slowly piecing back into a whole. But I let that fragile heart be shattered again. I'm having a relapse. Although each relapse is painful, it gets better each time.

I begin to feel that I don't understand myself anymore. Sometimes giving myself hope is as good as disappointing myself. Feelings that fade could never be rekindle.

No two parties could love each other equally at the same time. One would always love the other party more. The time when my love was the deepest was the time when feelings the other party had for me fades to nothing. A simple sentence "I don't have feelings for you anymore" meant so much , yet so little. God/Buddha is playing a joke on me.

I used to be the one consoling my friends telling them to let go. Its only when I am into the sitation, I know how it feels. When I was with him, I feel like I'm in a fairy tale. True enough, fairy tales don't exist. Chindrealla don't necessary leave happily ever after. Maybe she got a divorce in the end.

My heart is dead. I had enough. The one that steps out of the relationship 1st would never feel hurt because he/she is still being loved. The one that clings on would be the one suffering.

Friends of the party that walk out of the relationship 1st would always look down on the one that is clinging on. They would always side their friends. Even if they see the party putting down their pride to ask for another chance, they take it as a joke. A free show.

I truely feels for those that put down their pride for the one they love. Its not easy to do so. Its even more difficult if its a gal. I never been so prideless before. If you ask me if I regret doing so, I don't. At least, I am true to my feelings, true to myself.

The sentence "We are still friends." is fake. Action speaks louder than words. Its pretty interesting. When you are interested in a person, no matter what he/she says. You feel interesting as well. But when feeling fades, no matter how interested you once were, you feel irritated.

Why are humans so cruel?

Are all humans like that?

Humans are the most complicated creatures in the world.

Lastly, I wish for eternal happiness for you. Remember that I'll always pray that you would be happy in whatever you do and where ever you are.

Lynnie black out at 2:48 AM

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Recently, I'm into Jay Chou's Jie Kuo.

Don't ask me why.

I just feel for the song.

Each time I listen,

I could feel something new.

Don't be surprise if you caught me singing at dover.
That's what I did on my way home yesterday.
=P

Lynnie black out at 5:42 AM

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Life is fragile.

Today I may be living.

What about tomorrow?

No one knows.

Touching song about life and love.

http://www.changetheworldnow.com/music.php

Lynnie black out at 5:27 AM

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I came to realise that love comes and go.

If it comes, cherish it.
If it wants to leave, set it free.

Happiness is a choice, not a chance.
=)

Lynnie black out at 12:55 PM