[[*---Don't Catch Me As I Fall---*]]

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

New beginning

I need a new start.
Realized I had wasted 2 months torturing myself.

I tried to eat today but the amount I eat is not enough for my body to function.
Ate Fried Udon at FC6 for lunch.
Only managed to take 1/2 of it.
Had my daily serving of fruits as well.

Went somerset to service the E800C.
On the way there, I started to feel nauseous.
When i alighted from the bus, the nauseousness became stronger.
I wanted to vomit but nothing came out.
There's juz too much gastric juice in me.
The feeling is terrible.
I think I muz had scared Nana.
We went over to 7-11 at paragon,got a hot drink and some biscuits.
I forced myself to eat 2 biscuits in order not to let Nana worry.

I used to enjoy eating alot.
The amount I used to eat is really big.
Now, I juz eat to live.
I feel tired easily due to lack of food.
I juz wana sleep my day thru.
I dun have to think abt anything when I sleep.

Pple say I think too much.
But they have no ideal how heartbroken I am.
Its juz a personal thing which no one can understand except myself.

While I was blog surfing, I came across agnes's fren's blog.
I totally understand how she feels.
Crying in the morning..
Becoming from someone that is enthu abt all things to someone irriating and weak.
Trying all sorts of way to salvage..
Hurting oneself physically so that physical pain can overcome emotional pain.. at least for awhile...
No mood to focus on anything..
Dwelling on negative tots that deprive me of time doing more useful stuff..
Devotion of love not understood..
Going back to square 1 after knowing the consequences..
Its all so familiar to me..
Reading her blog, I totally see myself.

Chatted wif one of my senior juz now.
He knows what had happened.
Asking me how's life all those.
Told him I was ok, juz gonna live wif what happen.
He said I dun sound optimistic enough.
He could feel it online, no need to even see me in person.
I was told I gonna make an impact in my life.
Live everyday like there's no tomorrow.

Its really true..
Again I was told..
Time is all I needed..
I need something to hit me really hard before I could step out of it.
I guess I am already been hit enough times..

I hate pple telling me how thin I'm now.
Its something I dun want to remind myself of.
Freaking tired of all these.

I must step out of that shell of sadness and isolation.
I can't hide myself forever.
There are better things in life for me to look forward to.
This is juz a passing stage of my life..

Now its already 1st of Feb 2005.
From now on, a same old brand new Lynn will come along.
No more of the Lynn that u all see in the past 2 months.
I know its hard but I'll try..

Now its time to get supper~
Hahaha..
Eating before bedtime can gain weight easily!!

Lynnie black out at 4:31 PM