[[*---Don't Catch Me As I Fall---*]]

Friday, January 07, 2005

I need to gain weight!!

Feeling real lethargic now..
Went for a run wif sheila..
Whole body is kind of aching
Coz long time din exercise...

realize tat I'm really getting thinner..
It really scares me when I look at myself in the mirror.
I din expect myself to slim down so much!
I actually feel tat I'm anorexic..
Or whatever the spelling is..
It freaks me out!!
I seriously need to eat more!
But I juz dun have the appiette after what had happened.
Plus I'm also sick..
Arghz..
But I gonna force myself to eat and eat!
Gain back what I have lost!
Finally realise how I had been torturing myself..
Thinking so much..
Making me can't eat..
Its kind of not worth it..
But sometimes..
The thing juz pop up in ur mind..
Arghz..
I can be positive one moment and negative next..
Paranoid is the word to use I guess..

Had been thinking what I wana after I grad..
I wana further my studies..
But finacially, I can't..
I juz wana start a new life..
Doing stuff I really like...
Like organizing events..
The sense of satisfaction seeing an event run well under u is what I like..
I wana work as an event or wedding planner..
The latter is something unusual..
But I juz like it...

I tot of being a social worker or a consoler too..
But I'm nt positive enough..
This can be proved by wat had happen recently.
So is a no no..

No IT job for me too..
No office job too!
Hahaha..
Like set so many limitations for myself..
But I really hope I can get a job I really like...!
I juz want to follow my heart to do things..
At least I gonna give it a try...!

I mus learn to be positive and deal wif problems myself..
Be independent..
It isn't tat bad being alone after all?
I guess so...
What I dun like is the feeling of losing..
Losing pple or things u love..
The hurt is juz too much..
I dun wish similar stuff to happen againz..

Lynnie black out at 2:30 PM