[[*---Don't Catch Me As I Fall---*]]

Friday, January 28, 2005

PHP

PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP
PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP
PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP
PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP
PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP
PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP PHP

Lynnie black out at 1:43 PM

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Hmm..

Extracted this from agnes's fren, Rae blogs. It seems so true..

Does love fades?

If you were to ask me, I would say no. True love will never fade. True love will never be gone due to the held up in time. If it does, then it is not love in the first place. True love is not like any flower, which will wilt and fade away within a few months, weeks or even days.

If feelings were to fade, then it does not exist at all before. Love can withstand any obstacle. It needs tonnes of understanding, compromises and patience to come far. To me, nothing ever changes. If there seems to be changes, it is in the nature of the things and people. It is just that we realized too late. They did not change. It is in them.

Perhaps cooling down and thinking about it wins over being impulsive hands down. Instead, diminish that burning fire in you and solve problems rationally. You would not bear to lose someone dearly forever, do you? Give both parties some time to figure out.

Love can withstand the test of time. Love is worth the wait.

Many around us are waiting, waiting for their loved ones to come back to them. Why do they choose to wait?

Because waiting is beautiful because there is a glimpse of hope. It is better than giving up forever and losing him/her forever.

If you have someone you really love and could not be with them due to any circumstances, you can hold on gently without any word of mouth. He or she can feel it, if they hold on to the same conviction as you.

One day, you will be together with them again. One day, you will realize the person whom you have once forsaken is your true love. One day, your true love will return when it triumphs over the test of love.

You will be loved.

Now I understand... If feelings were to fade.. It truely dun exist in the 1st place. I'll be loved one day again. I believe..

Lynnie black out at 8:57 AM

Monday, January 24, 2005

I feel so small

Watching channel 8 now.
Its showing a program featuring those disabled kids.
Despite their disability, they do their part for society.

I feel so small.
Despite their difficulties,
They could do so much more.
They had greater determination then anyone of us.

I should start to count my blessings and stop complaining.

I'm glad that I'm living in a country without natural disasters.
I'm glad that I still have somewhere to live in.
I'm glad that I have family and friends to care for me.
I'm glad that I am able to be educated.
I'm glad that I have a computer to use.
I'm glad that I live in a country without riots.
I'm glad that I'm still able to blog here.
I'm glad about so many so many things.

So y should I complain?

I should accept what I cannot control and change for the better for things I can control.
Everyone has their flaws.
If u can't change them, accept them for what they are then.

I'm so blessed.

Lynnie black out at 3:11 PM

I'm a bitch

Lynn is an irritating bitch!!

Lynnie black out at 7:07 AM

Sunday, January 23, 2005

I'm a stupid gal

I'm blogging in the morning again.
I seem to blog more often nowadays.
I juz need some space to pen my tots.

Can't always trouble my frens with my negative tots.
They would get sick of me one day.
Coz I'm getting sick of myself already.

Shopping is becoming something tedious to me.
I dun seem to fit nice into anything now.
Last time I tot its nice to be slim so I could get clothes easily.
I was wrong.
I dun even look nice in small size clothes.
I'm super boney now.
I used to wear S, now I could fit into XS.
S is too big for me!

After walking for a few hours.
I only manage to get at topshop skirt.
It costs $73.
I know its expensive.
Last time, I dun even think of spending 50 bucks for a skirt.
But I look nice in tat, at least it dun make me look so thin.
Sheila said I looked like a stick figure now.
I weigh 44kg and I stand at 1.63m.
Its scarey.
I dun look as nice as last time.
I mean nt tat I'm those really good lookin kind.
At least I look more proportionate.
The more I look at myself, the more I wana gain weight.
Though I seriously wana gain weight.
I can't eat much at 1 time.
Some food juz turns me off.
I'm gonna stuff myself wif fattening food everyday.
But its juz so happen tat tats turns me off.
Contridicting..

My dad is back!!
Woke up freakin early at 5 plus to fetch him.
Had BK breakfast and now I can't get back to sleep.
Oh yeah.. He brought back a samsung E800C!!
Dream phone...!!!
I gonna take ownership of tat phone!!
But gonna get it repaired 1st.
Coz my dad plug the wrong way while charging it and it dun work now!! =(
Hope its the batt tat is spoilt and not the phone!!

I'm really stupid.
All the things I did for the past few weeks.
What did I get?
Only to make myself look so deperate and depress.
Pple behind me will be saying: Y get so hard up over a guy blah blah..
Stupid.
Lynnie is a stupid gal.
I seriously gonna stop I'm doing.
Sometimes, I'm in the state of unstable emotions.
Can't think logically.
Stupid again.
Now I absolutely think that true love dun exists.
Its juz pple feel lonely sometimes and need a champanion?
Or is that they truely love the person?
I guess I'm not mature enough to handle the thing call LOVE.
I admit tat on the surface I seem to give up on already.
But my heart still lingers.
Breaking up does not equal to getting him outta of mine mind.
But I seriously gotta do so.
One day, if we meet.
I would still smile and say hi.
I shall promise to stop every single thing to salvage it.
Coz I clearly know, I no longer have a place in his heart.
Sometimes what he says is juz being polite.
Hahaha..
I knew it..

Now is truely the start of something new...! =)

Lynnie black out at 3:03 AM

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Hari Raya Haji~

Its super early in the morning.
I'm awake at 8.50am on a public holiday!!

Fell asleep unknowingly while watching American Idol yesterday.
Interesting show~
Really entertaining!!
Anyone of u guys recorded yesterday's eposide kindly lend it me??

Ended sch really early yesterday.
Its practically doing nothing much except listening to feedback of our FYP phase 1 presentation.
Arghz...
It really sucks..
My worst presentation in my life..
So unprepared and unorganised..
Anyway, its over..
Shall enjoy my hols..

Met up wif Michelle (CLS) last nightz.
Been long since I met her.
Was a great gathering~
She's attached~
Happy for her..! =)
Have to update her on my part too..
As usual, when pple see me now.
They would say the same thing: Lynn! U had slim down/become thinner!
Hahaha.. expected..
Went to eat Genki sushi at Merideen..
The food was ok only but rather cheap..
Michelle bought her ADD dress..
Wonder when's ICT ADD..
Anway, had a really great chat wif her over dinner.
Though, we juz got to know each other thru CI 03/04.
Both of us cliqued instantly~
More to add on to our friendship is thru LTC 03/04.
We r the only few gals tat can eat 2 bowls of rice!!
Hahaha.. Great memories~

Surfed Friendster..
He updated his status to single..
Hahaha..
I dunno y I felt this sadness in my heart..
Its like something I can't control.
I was like on my way of stepping out of it.
And now I'm back to starting point.

I feel really stupid.
I feel miserable.
Haha..

Had a good cry juz nw..
After a cry, I will start to think logically.
But during a cry, I do stupid stuff..

Oh.. Got something tat really touches me!!
Mr Stanry Tan is gg to be back in SG on 30th Jan!!
The super nice ex-sp lecturer that I gotta to know while organising FOP last July.
And he still remembers me!!
Hardly, there is any lecturer that will rem me..
Really feel so happy!!

There's something great for me to look forward to!
Father is coming back to singapore tml!!!
Also means I'll get to eat supper everyday.
Maybe get a new phone??
More cash??
Haha..
Nahz..
What I really want is his presence!!

Later is off to Orchard for a shopping spree wif Sheila~

Lynnie black out at 2:33 PM

Monday, January 17, 2005

My com's up!! But..

My com is finally up!
But still can't get online..
Gonna stuck wif bro's lappy again..
Sheena's fren manage to retrive back all the files we used to have.
I feel both happy and sad.
Happy that I could get back my files..
Sad that it reminds me of some stuff..
Contridicting...

I tot I'm getting use..
Till I saw the stuff on my com..
Arr!!
*Pull Hair*
Hahaha..
Paranoid..
Saw some photos taken wif wen and gang,
club clique, LTC cruise.. oh my.. sweet memories..
I'm being sentimental here..dotz

Suppose to have a CI 03/04 gathering yesterday.
Many pple can't make it so its cancelled.
I went over to cityhall to meet Puwen and Hans.
Had Cafe Cartel..eat till we were bloated..!
Chat lots of stuff with them..
Nice short gathering~
Some stuff they said sort of enlighten me.
No pt holding on..
If it belong to me.. eventually it will..
I know this..
But its still hard to take it sometime.

I no longer have comments in my blog.
I dun see the need to also.
Feel that wat pple write to me are juz for the sake of doing so.
Its either they pity me or juz wana show tat they 'care'.
Care.. What's the actual meaning of it..
Maybe I'll change my views again..
Put up comments again..

Arr~
*Pulls hair again*
Dunno la..
Juz feel super tired..
Still suffering from post clubbing sydrome..
That effect always last a few days..

I gonna drop dead soon..

Lynnie black out at 4:15 PM

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Zouk-My 1st serious Clubbing

Was out at Zouk on fri night.
Went wif Wen ,her frens,Boon Hwee(wen's bf) and his frens.
My 1st time @ Zouk and my 1st real serious clubbing~!

Its was cool..
I like Zouk..
Different from what I tot it would be..
Hahaha~~
Think I gonna fall in love wif clubbing.
Tong was there too~
She's a Zouk member!!
She took me to explore ard Zouk..
She knows the place so well...!

Phuture was nice but its super pack tat night!
Totally had no space to move..
Everyone juz sequzze their way thru..-_-
Got step a couple of times.
Should had wore covered shoes.

Drinks kinda suck..
Maybe I'm nt really into drinking.
I juz dun liek to force myself to eat/drink stuff tat I dun like.
But I still had lots of fun...!!
Left the place at ard 1 plus..
Coz scare mama scold..
Din tell mama where I go.. but I think she roughly knows..
Hehe..

Last time I always think clubbing was something so uninteresting.
But I gonna change my views~
Shall have fun and party when I'm still young~

Its juz so happen tat clubbing makes me forget some stuff for a moment.
Though it juz for tat moment, I feel more relax..
Even when I reach home.. I'm also too tired to think..
I prefer to not think..
Thinking and brooding over is juz too tiring~

I realise I could fit into wraist 25 LEVIS..
Arghz.. Over a month.. I lost ard 2 inches..
Its scarey..
I used to wear 27..
Then it drop to 26..
Now 25..
I feel so sad!!
I no longer look nice in LEVIS!
Its kind of obvious when I wear my type 1 and 593.
It wasn't like tat a month ago..
It suckz..
I wana gain back my weight..
But its seem so tough..

Shall stuff myself wif more food each day..~
Eat and Eat and Eat~

Better go to sleep..
Then tml I shall have more energy to eat..
Crapping - Due to FYP Stress~

Lynnie black out at 3:58 PM

Friday, January 14, 2005

Tiring~

Went in lab whole day..
From 9am-8pm..
Taking short breaks in between.
Was compling reports.. S.T.R.E.S.S
What's more.. I din sleep get enough sleep last nightz..
Tired.. Tired .. Tired....!

I can forsee that we will be stayin till so late for the coming fyp days..
Hmm.. Its already the last sem..
Gonna give in all my best...!
I may be slower in learning new stuff.. But I'll be more hardworking!
I believe in putting effort.
But I came to know tat nt all things that u put in effort will get u results.
I had learnt it thru the hard way... very hard.

I had to get on with life..
Get him out of mine life as well..
Kind of realise I had been doin stupid stuff..
Stuff that I never think I will do..
Haha..
Stupid me..
Some people juz can't be bothered wif me..
Yet I still keep lying to myself..
Nana told me in ever since she knows me..
This had been my most depress period.
Haha.. really funny..
I had been showing people my weak side all these while.
I'm gg to climb out of it soon!
My frens r my best supporters!!

This should be read by all guys in the whole wide world!
Dun underestimate a gal's tears!

If a gal cries in front of u,
it means dat she couldnt take
it anymore.
If u take her hand,
she would stay with u 4 de rest of ur life;
If u let her go, she couldnt go back 2 being
herself anymore.

A gal wont cry easily,
xcept in front of de person who she love de
most,
she becomes weak.

A gal wont cry easily,
only wen she love u de most,
she put down her ego.

Guys, if a gal cries bcoz of u,
please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who would stay with u 4 de rest
of ur life.

Guys, if a gal cries bcoz of u,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcoz of ur decision,
u ruin her life.

When she cry rite infrnt of u,
When she cry bcoz of u,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel de pain n hurt she's feelin?
Think.
Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity,
Infront of u,
And bcoz of u?

She cry not because she is weak,
She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity,
She cry,
Because cryin silently is no longer possible,
De pain,hurt,n agony hav bcome 2 big a burden 2 b
kept inside.

Guys,
Think about it,
If a gal cry her heart out 2 u,
And all because of u,
Its time 2 look back on wat u hav done,
Only u will know de answer 2 it.

Do consider it,
Coz one day,
It may b 2 late 4 regrets,
It may b 2 late 2 say "im sorry".

To my friends...
Ponder this message seriously.
Dont do dis to a gal,
You may regret 4 de rest of ur life.
Maybe in ur life,
she's the onli one dat love u de most.
Remember dis lesson.

Got this frm somewhere..
Its really meaningful and true..
Coz it really reflects how I feel..
But he will never get to know it..
Thinking of him again does not mean that I am weak or so.
Its juz tat I treasure tis r/s even though its already the past.
Though it hurts to think of all the bad happenings..
Sometimes.. thinking of the good memories is enough..=)

Lynnie black out at 2:20 PM

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Workaholic..Feel so Lost

I'm so lost..
I need to find back myself..
The Lynn that is once so confident..
Maybe I'm over confident of myself..

"If You are not happy with urself,
You won't be happy with someone else"

I'm really not happy with myself..
I dun care hw they see me tat day.
Have they ever been think from my stand.
Guys will surely help guys especially they are from the same clique.

I always do what I feel is right.
I like things to go my way.
Juz like the way I handled club last time.
I believe in myself that I can achieve what I want.
All the events I handle..
As long as I get things done..
I dun mind paying from my own pocket and sacrifising my time.
All the effort I put in, results are shown.

Now is like my whole confidence juz drop.
I can't make myself feel positive.
I feel like a fool.
I can't seem to find back myself.

Friends notice change in me.
I dun talk much.
I seem to become someone else.
I tried to be positive but negative stuff juz pop out.
It seriously sucks.
I'm strong in everything except my emotions.

Is it really true that stress can change a person?
Someone asked me this.
I guess so..
I juz have to look at myself.

FYP is getting heavier.
It so that I kind of have no free time on weekdays.
Except when I go home.
When weekend comes..
I'll start to become negative.
I prefer to be busy so I won't think so much.

I know how it feels to be bothered by someone which u had no interest/feeling.
I also know how it feels to be not able to get phone calls or replies from pple u long for.

Everything is juz so contradicting.

I tired to be back myself.
The more I tired, the higher chances that I failed.

I wish to go back to the good old days..
But its impossible..

Lynnie black out at 7:21 AM

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Same Old Brand New Me

Same Old Brand New Lynnie is On the WaY....!

Lynnie black out at 6:38 PM

Depression + Busy Mode

Gonna keep myself busy busy busy~

Lynnie black out at 5:44 AM

Friday, January 07, 2005

I need to gain weight!!

Feeling real lethargic now..
Went for a run wif sheila..
Whole body is kind of aching
Coz long time din exercise...

realize tat I'm really getting thinner..
It really scares me when I look at myself in the mirror.
I din expect myself to slim down so much!
I actually feel tat I'm anorexic..
Or whatever the spelling is..
It freaks me out!!
I seriously need to eat more!
But I juz dun have the appiette after what had happened.
Plus I'm also sick..
Arghz..
But I gonna force myself to eat and eat!
Gain back what I have lost!
Finally realise how I had been torturing myself..
Thinking so much..
Making me can't eat..
Its kind of not worth it..
But sometimes..
The thing juz pop up in ur mind..
Arghz..
I can be positive one moment and negative next..
Paranoid is the word to use I guess..

Had been thinking what I wana after I grad..
I wana further my studies..
But finacially, I can't..
I juz wana start a new life..
Doing stuff I really like...
Like organizing events..
The sense of satisfaction seeing an event run well under u is what I like..
I wana work as an event or wedding planner..
The latter is something unusual..
But I juz like it...

I tot of being a social worker or a consoler too..
But I'm nt positive enough..
This can be proved by wat had happen recently.
So is a no no..

No IT job for me too..
No office job too!
Hahaha..
Like set so many limitations for myself..
But I really hope I can get a job I really like...!
I juz want to follow my heart to do things..
At least I gonna give it a try...!

I mus learn to be positive and deal wif problems myself..
Be independent..
It isn't tat bad being alone after all?
I guess so...
What I dun like is the feeling of losing..
Losing pple or things u love..
The hurt is juz too much..
I dun wish similar stuff to happen againz..

Lynnie black out at 2:30 PM

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Be positive

Hohoho...
I'm sick again for the 3rd time in 2 months.
Weakz Hamster..
Think I should get a membership card from Dr Khoo.
The weather had been really bad for the past 1 week.
Its finally getting better..
The sun is shinning once againz.
It feels so warm and comforting...

FYP had been getting heavier as day passes.
Stayed till the lab closes juz now.
Surprisingly, it closes at 7 instead of 8..
After that thing had happen..
I had tis fear of gg home early..
I tend to think alot..
At this certain point of the day..
I will think of wat had happen..
Tears juz flow out..
I myself clearly knows y I'm sickz.
Its obviously due to stress.
I juz find it too hard to accept what had happen..

Learn some interesting stuff during NS class today.
Its like reading in between the lines of what people said to u.
I begin to understand the hidden meaning behind what he wanted to say.
Somethings are juz excuses.. Beating ard the bush.
Facts and reality had been thrown to me everyday.
I have to deal with them..
No matter hw terrible I feel..
FYP has to be done..
Lessons has to go on..
Life juz have to go onz..

Wenz told me I'm getting emotionally stronger..
Am I really?
I juz dun want to show my weak side anymore.
Its tiring..
Though I still feel sad now..
But what can I do..
He dun even care and bother..
Does he even know I'm so sickz..
Sickz partly bcoz of him.
I had never been sick for so long b4.

Ru told me I should juz end it.
Though I seem to look ok everyday in sch..
Deep inside my heart,
I still hope to salvage it..
But thinking back of what I had been doing after what he said..
I dunno whether my efforts of salvaging it are recognised..
He juz dun bother..
As i had always said..
I'm already sentenced to death without knowing what I had convicted.
Even a murder can appeal after he is sentenced.
But me..?
I dunno what he on his mind.
Maybe my presence frm the start is nt impt to him.
Now.. I'm juz waiting to be sentenced.
Its not tat I din put in effort..
Its juz other party dun put in effort to recognise.

I was told y I actually feel so hurtz.
Its bcoz I loved him alot..
Ya.. I really did..
Though times spend tog r nt much,
I still treasure them alotz..
I tot I'm being understanding..
Love is being understanding, not demanding..
I always believed in this..
Again.. I'm wrong..

I'm juz so tired..

Lynnie black out at 1:52 PM

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Sick,Cold,Confuse

I'm down wif terrible flu again.
Muz be due to the weather!!
Have been snezzing the whole day.
Even nw~
I hate the rain..
Love the sunz..

I tot I could forget...
I guess I'm wrongz..

Lynnie black out at 3:30 PM

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Last day of 2004

Juz an hour plus more to 2005.
Gonna make a last entry of 2004 before time runs out!

Was out almost the whole day..
Went to sch in the morning for MCOM Pract..
Lasted for only 2 hrs..
Discuss bits of FYP and slacked ard in the lab..
Today was kind of the most relax friday ever since sch starts.
Not much of stresseful FYP discussion,
Its was rather a light one today..
Juz review of what we did.
For a great start, the work I did was approved by Mr Liew. =)

Went FC6 to have our lunch.
After lunch was KTV at PartyWorld Orchard wif all my FYP mates!
Its was really coolz..
Hardly we could get all of us gathered tog.
Had lots of fun singing frm 2-8!
6 hrs!!
Sang lots of sad love songs too..
In the past, I dun really appreciate lyrics of those songs...
Its only when I'm really into the situation then I begin to find them meaningful..
That's life..
U won't know unless U r into it.

Had our dinner at PS Long John.
Been sometime I had eaten that..
Eating LJS remind me of ******
Lots of stuff remind me of ******
But my heart dun hurts as much as one week ago.
My tears no longer drop tat easily.
There's no point feeling so sad.
YR they all r rite..
Coz ****** dun even cares.
Its only a torture to myself.
I have to face reality.
I'm tired to shoulder all the blame.
Its liek being accused of something I din do before.
Even a murder is giving a chance to appeal to the judge.
But me...?

Anyway, a new year is approaching..
Gonna make it a good one!
Treat it as a new begining for me..
For tat thing.. I'll juz take things at a step.
A conculsion will be out soon.

Oh ya!
I bought a charity bread from Bread Talk.
Its to support the Tsunami victims.
Every bread bought, 90ct will be donated.
Go get one too!
Though its suppose to very crowded at orchard today.
But the atmosphere is totally different.
Maybe all pple are at sentosa...
Or they are affected by effects of tsunami..
I hope its more of the latter..
I know its nt possible ask everyone to moan or what..
But at least have some compassion..
Play ur part in helping the victims..
Be it donating some cash or items..
A bit really helps alot!

Anyway..
Happy New Year to all!
Hope all of u guys had a great year ahead!!
=)

Lynnie black out at 3:14 PM